Avoiding a harmful power dynamic with my partner?

[Iridescent Dragon]

I think one reason why I haven't 100% perused a zoo exclusive relationship is the fact I'm afraid of accidentally being manipulative of my partner.
Now, before you try to say anything I understand I need to have some form of control over my dog. They would need to at least know basic commands to keep them safe and out of trouble, but I'm worried about having a position of absolute power over my partner and I absolutely dont want that.
I think what I'm trying to say is how do I get me and my partner on the same level. I dont want to be the alpha I want to be their mate. I want to know for sure my dog would also want to be in a relationship, I dont want it to feel like they're just following commands in a sexual manner.
Sorry if this is a little difficult to follow, I know what I want to say it's just a little hard to put into words

 

[Stutensindwunderbar]

I've never had a dog I was zoo active with, so i dont know anything in that field but with what do know, is if your mate is female you should be the alpha to an extent she may need to respect you to want to let you have sex with her, but if he's male then he may need to be the alpha so he thinks he is the boss when it comes to sex and he might be more inclined to accommodate you. again, I am inexperienced and know next to nothing but I hope it helps. Good luck to you on your zoo journey

 

[FloofyNewfie]

That's a tough one, potentially. My dogs of course know a lot of commands in general, my newfie more than my mutt mix, but she's also a lot smarter. Sex sort of has to be dynamic in nature. The biggest thing that you'll want to teach them right off the bat is that when it comes to anything sexual they absolutely have the choice in the matter. Sometimes my dog will ask me for sex in the form of body language. (Flagging, backing herself into me, and trying to get my attention when she's in the mood.) Other times I ask her, usually I'll rub her lower back, and if she goes into a flagging position with her tail I'll lightly touch her vulva and see how she responds. But if her answer is no, then it's no. I don't try and pressure her into it.

But whether male or female, the most important thing to do is let them say no. You can try and court a dog by acting like one trying to initiate sex within their species. But if they look uncomfortable or apathetic, then it is important to let them know that they haven't done anything wrong. I've had my newfie not be in the mood every once in awhile and that's okay. She's free to make her own decisions on this matter. But there's a difference between sex and basic commands. You can let them say no to sex, but you shouldn't, for example, let them eat random debris off of the ground. That's a behavior you'd want to discourage.

Training is meant to guide your dog towards general behaviors that will keep them and yourself safe. While sex should be mutual fun that you both enjoy. If you get an initial "yes" from body language from your dog but they look uncomfortable during the sex part itself then you should stop immediately. I don't care how close you are to nutting, it's important to let them know that at any point in time they have the ability to revoke any sexual encounter.

 

[klairence]

Other times I ask her, usually I'll rub her lower back, and if she goes into a flagging position with her tail I'll lightly touch her vulva and see how she responds. But if her answer is no, then it's no. I don't try and pressure her into it.

what is a flagging position? also, sorry if this sounds dumb, but when asking her, do you verbally say it?

 

[FloofyNewfie]

what is a flagging position? also, sorry if this sounds dumb, but when asking her, do you verbally say it?

Flagging is when a female dog will part her tail off to the side exposing her vulva. This is to allow the male to have unimpeded access to her private bits for the purpose of mating with her. If a female dog is not interested in sex with any male, human or dog. She will instead cover her vulva with her tail, sit down, or turn around to face the male. But when she turns her butt towards you and parts her tail she's basically saying "I'm horny, come and fuck me!"

Here's an example from (This Video - Click Here)

 

[klairence]

Flagging is when a female dog will part her tail off to the side exposing her vulva. This is to allow the male to have unimpeded access to her private bits for the purpose of mating with her. If a female dog is not interested in sex with any male, human or dog. She will instead cover her vulva with her tail, sit down, or turn around to face the male. But when she turns her butt towards you and parts her tail she's basically saying "I'm horny, come and fuck me!"

Here's an example from (This Video - Click Here)

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interesting!! thanks for informing me