TheSeeker
Citizen of Zooville
It’s so damn hard to finally say this but I no longer have a lover in my life. It has been tearing me apart night and day and I have felt so alone and lost without her and with no zoos I can see in person.
I raised her from a puppy, watched her grow, I loved her so so deeply but I made mistakes and I wish I could say I never acted out in anger towards her but in the end I knew she forgave me and I forgave her.
She was beautiful, wild, very affectionate but also had a violent and unpredictable side that didn’t appear until she turned 1. I tried everything I could to help her, to keep her with me but the reality was we were never going to be in love again, not after I had to start managing her as the hazard she was both to other people and other dogs. It didn’t matter how much exercise she got. The trainer and the doctor I took her to could not help either.
Finally, she randomly attacked and seriously injured another dog and at that point I knew the pain of living with her was even greater than the pain of losing her. I still can’t believe it actually happened. She was always so gentle with the others. I knew I could not keep her as a prisoner, leashed, muzzled, and medicated, so I gave her back to the breeder, which was the only option. I’m never going to know where she went or probably even see another picture of her but that is probably for the best. I want a girl again more than anything but this will take a long time to move on from. She was my first, she taught me so much about love but also that this can be a valid and fulfilling life for me. I just wish it had gone better. I wish I could have seen her off into her sunset years and her seen me into my late 30s but fate wasn’t so kind.
I raised her from a puppy, watched her grow, I loved her so so deeply but I made mistakes and I wish I could say I never acted out in anger towards her but in the end I knew she forgave me and I forgave her.
She was beautiful, wild, very affectionate but also had a violent and unpredictable side that didn’t appear until she turned 1. I tried everything I could to help her, to keep her with me but the reality was we were never going to be in love again, not after I had to start managing her as the hazard she was both to other people and other dogs. It didn’t matter how much exercise she got. The trainer and the doctor I took her to could not help either.
Finally, she randomly attacked and seriously injured another dog and at that point I knew the pain of living with her was even greater than the pain of losing her. I still can’t believe it actually happened. She was always so gentle with the others. I knew I could not keep her as a prisoner, leashed, muzzled, and medicated, so I gave her back to the breeder, which was the only option. I’m never going to know where she went or probably even see another picture of her but that is probably for the best. I want a girl again more than anything but this will take a long time to move on from. She was my first, she taught me so much about love but also that this can be a valid and fulfilling life for me. I just wish it had gone better. I wish I could have seen her off into her sunset years and her seen me into my late 30s but fate wasn’t so kind.